Somewhat Clear

deerna
somewhatclear

Rating: NSFW
Fandom: Shadow and Bone / Six of Crows
Relationship: Jesper/Kaz
Tags: masturbation, sexual fantasy, dom/sub undertones
Wordcount: 381
Notes: COWT2022 M3 dominant

Summary:

Excerpt:

Sometimes Jesper touches himself and thinks about Kaz Brekker watching him, both hands still wrapped in his gloves gripping the handle of the cane. He tries not to think about it too much.

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Sometimes Jesper touches himself and thinks about Kaz Brekker watching him, both hands still wrapped in his gloves gripping the handle of the cane. He tries not to think about it too much.

He just closes his eyes, focuses on what about Kaz gets him hot — it usually starts with his voice scolding him for something or the other (all the Saints and aunt Eva know he hears that tone often enough) and then something shifts and Jesper is on his knees. This is where Kaz tells him to take his clothes off in that raspy voice of his, dark eyes going darker and thin mouth pressing itself in a thinner line, and Jesper unbuttons his pants and slides a hand inside.

Sometimes Kaz doesn’t react, his face stonier and more wax-like the closer Jesper approaches his climax—and Jesper comes at the height of a crescendo of humiliation and shame. He likes the swiftness of it, the slight awkwardness after he’s done, stickiness all over his hand and in his embarrassed laughter. He never pictures Kaz naked, because part of his appeal is his armour—the black suit, the carefully coiffed hair, the cold, guarded expression.

It’s so much worse, when he imagines Kaz being affected by what he’s seeing, not only because it’s more difficult (Would he bite his lip? Let out shaky breaths? Shift his weight from one foot to the other, adjusting through his pants? Swear under his breath?) but because Jesper gets so much more into it—because what he really likes about Kaz are the cracks: the invisible, well repaired rips in his expensive coats, the fringe falling in his eyes after a long day, the twitch in his jaw and the twinkle in his eyes when Jesper says something stupid.

He never lets himself think about Kaz coming closer, putting his hands on him, praise falling from his lips—

Except he does, and he aches, because he’ll never get that from Kaz Brekker, command and reverence in his voice when he orders him to come.

Release is bittersweet. He tries not to think about it too much.

He just closes his eyes and pretends he’s not falling in love with the bastard of the barrel.